helpme007
28.05.2008, 08:13 |
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem (Support & General Discussions) |
we hang out on a hairloss site. so we all care very much about our appearance. i think if we would have high self-esteem we wouldnt do so. who of you can say of himself that he has high self-esteem? i think less people in here can say that. i cant exclude myself, coz my self-esteem isnt the best aswell. we are a bit like little girls who want to be pretty. isn't it?
we are supposed to be men. not little girls. lets make a commitment that we work on our self-esteem. it only can be good for everyone in here. a friend of mine said, someone who wants to fix something on his appearance has low self-esteem. i cant completley agree with that, but in some kinds its true.
well, the harder you try with your hair, the less is your self-esteem... i think.
what is the worst case is if you really suffer from your hairloss. that means you have low self-esteem from beginning and that you suffer from your hairloss makes your self-esteem even lower. the way out of that is probably working on your self-esteem as an own part of yours. and to try not relate it so much anymore with your appearance.
dunno what i want to say with that , it just crossed my mind. but its not meant to be an attack, dont get me wrong, i dont want anyone get upset about my post.
im at an internet-forum to pick-up girls. there people part girls in HSE (high self esteem) and LSE (low self esteem) girls. i think many in here are LSE, myself included. LSE people try to look their best, try to act like they have high self esteem to not show their low self-esteem. but deep down in them, they are insecure.
you can easyly detect LSE girls, coz they always wear make-up, say nasty things and you can easyly make them upset. they make party much and dont like normal life.
well, now im a bit off-topic. what do you think? are you self-confident or not?
there is a saying which is "fake it till you make it". maybe im gona try that. normally im insecure and i show it. dont get me wrong, im not a nerd who doesnt go out and is too insecure to talk to people but i get often said that im insecure and show it. another friend of mine is insecure, too. i know that coz he told me, but he acts confident, so he plays a role. im gona try that too.
thx for listening. i know, probably noone is gona read that anyway, but if you made it until here, please write an answer.
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brm
28.05.2008, 09:19
@ helpme007
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
Is it all not more complex than that? Doesn't everyday life break individuals down into a billion "models" (that is, exceptions) rather that this two-shot category HSE -LSE?
I suffer from deep inclination to depression. Have been so since age 13 or about. In spite of naturally goodlooks, I have always strained to maintain my physical appearance at its best, that is,improve it. I have had successes along the way but have completely estranged myself from the common lot. Hence, a different kind of LSE, and insecurity. BTW, I am a Norwood 1.5 -2, passing off as a Norwood 0 because of a luxurious texture of hair (try amla and coconut oil before shampoo and you'll see week after week what those two can do for your hair...). I have "won" this battle so far with finasteride but at the expense of my sexdrive and believe me, a low sexdrive is the best recipe for LSE. You tend to keep girls away because you know that in the bed... So, LSE may stem from so many causes. What I know is that a bald guy can be handsome and successful with girls. An limp dick owner cannot. Think this over. To end it up, you should as well ponder this question: are you so sure that LSE and conspicuous insecurity are that much synonym of poor attractiveness? I have always personally been rather more attracted to self conscious girls. The common stereotype of the "all smile" girl is not much to me. The rule may be a litle diferent the other way round, I mean, for boys. But I guess that provided you have skills, whether hand skills or "wit skills", LSE is not an insurmountable obstacle.
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helpme007
28.05.2008, 09:42
@ brm
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
» Is it all not more complex than that? Doesn't everyday life break
» individuals down into a billion "models" (that is, exceptions) rather that
» this two-shot category HSE -LSE?
» I suffer from deep inclination to depression. Have been so since age 13 or
» about. In spite of naturally goodlooks, I have always strained to maintain
» my physical appearance at its best, that is,improve it. I have had
» successes along the way but have completely estranged myself from the
» common lot. Hence, a different kind of LSE, and insecurity. BTW, I am a
» Norwood 1.5 -2, passing off as a Norwood 0 because of a luxurious texture
» of hair (try amla and coconut oil before shampoo and you'll see week after
» week what those two can do for your hair...). I have "won" this battle so
» far with finasteride but at the expense of my sexdrive and believe me, a
» low sexdrive is the best recipe for LSE. You tend to keep girls away
» because you know that in the bed... So, LSE may stem from so many causes.
» What I know is that a bald guy can be handsome and successful with girls.
» An limp dick owner cannot. Think this over. To end it up, you should as
» well ponder this question: are you so sure that LSE and conspicuous
» insecurity are that much synonym of poor attractiveness? I have always
» personally been rather more attracted to self conscious girls. The common
» stereotype of the "all smile" girl is not much to me. The rule may be a
» litle diferent the other way round, I mean, for boys. But I guess that
» provided you have skills, whether hand skills or "wit skills", LSE is not
» an insurmountable obstacle.
i hope i have understood everything right. i think too that LSE is not insurmountable.
to the self conscious girls. they are often the ones that are HSE. they are often only self conscious at the outside.
you are right with the rest, that LSE can stem from many causes. i didnt say that hairloss is the reason for LSE on this board. guys in here were LSE before and then got hairloss. the hairloss and the fact that we are on this board just expresses the LSE fact.
im sorry for you, that you have sexual problems. you could try minoxidil, i heard it can stop hairloss, too, alone. i think i have a little bit lower libido, too, from fin. but its still ok, so i keep on using fin.
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TylerDurden
31.05.2008, 13:41
@ helpme007
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
I think you are trying to associate everyone on this forum with yourself too much. You seem to be under the illusion that hair will give you confidence. It won't.
I have friends with a great head of hair that have absolutely no self esteem. Self confidence is something that is built on as you grow as a person, there's no magic fix. I think you're right in the sense that the majority of people lack self confidence, but that isn't confined to people who are balding. In my opinion, in the culture that we live in here in the west, true self confidence is very rare, most people that may seem to exude confidence are probably just as insecure as you are, just for different reasons.
No I know assumptions are never a good thing, but i'm going to take guess that you're lack of confidence goes deeper than you hair. Hair isnt the be all and end all; unless a hair transplant is up your street it's something that you can't control. I suggest you try to improve other aspects of your life and your confidence will grow with them. As for women, they are far more interested in a motivated, genuinely nice and confident person than someone with a full head of hair and nothing else to show for it. You can work out to improve your body image, try to improve your career prospects, voltunteer, run a marathon, travel the world, learn a musical instrument, take up a martial art...to name a few - the possibilities are limitless.
I think you'll find a large majority of the people that visit this forum don't even post and don't suffer from a chronic lack of self esteem and belief. For me, I use this forum to just check every nown again to see if there is some progress and because I find it quite interesting, but you can't halt your life waiting for something that may never happen.
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Jtelecom
31.05.2008, 14:12
(edited by Jtelecom, 31.05.2008, 14:19)
@ TylerDurden
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
"You seem to be under the illusion that hair will give you confidence. It won't."
This is probably one of the most profoundly ignorrant posts that I have ever read on a hair loss forum. I cannot believe that Tyler would say such a thing. What are we all here for? Are you just here looking to regrow your lost hair so that you have more to wash? Are you looking for more hair to cover up your scalp so that you do not get a sunburn? Maybe you are very wary of skin cancer on your scalp?? Are you looking for more hair to increase your styling products and shampoo budget?
The quote above is just so insanely stupid that I am just incensed by it. Either you have a very warped definition of "confidence" or you just don't have a clue what it means.
OF COURSE we are ALL here looking for confidence. When ALL of us began losing our hair, we took hits to our self esteem and self confidence to varying degrees. That (IN A NUTSHELL) is what made ALL of us seek out solutions and search for sites just like this one. I am dumbfounded how you could see it any other way.
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Jtelecom
5 Strip Surgeries (4 Bosley, 1 AlviArmani)
3 FUE Surgeries (2 Undisclosed, 1 AlviArmani)
(Latest FUE Surgery: June 6, 2008 - AlviArmani Los Angeles) |
TylerDurden
31.05.2008, 15:14
@ Jtelecom
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
» "You seem to be under the illusion that hair will give you confidence.
» It won't."
»
» This is probably one of the most profoundly ignorrant posts that I have
» ever read on a hair loss forum. I cannot believe that Tyler would say such
» a thing. What are we all here for? Are you just here looking to regrow your
» lost hair so that you have more to wash? Are you looking for more hair to
» cover up your scalp so that you do not get a sunburn? Maybe you are very
» wary of skin cancer on your scalp?? Are you looking for more hair to
» increase your styling products and shampoo budget?
»
» The quote above is just so insanely stupid that I am just incensed by it.
» Either you have a very warped definition of "confidence" or you just don't
» have a clue what it means.
»
» OF COURSE we are ALL here looking for confidence. When ALL of us began
» losing our hair, we took hits to our self esteem and self confidence to
» varying degrees. That (IN A NUTSHELL) is what made ALL of us seek out
» solutions and search for sites just like this one. I am dumbfounded how you
» could see it any other way.
I see reading comprehension is not your strength, nevermind - i'll help you out.
I thought it was fairly easy to understand what I was implying, apparently not.
I stand by that what I said, hair alone will not magically make someone with a lack of self confidence suddenly gain it. Confidence is not just about how you look, I suppose you're too vain to see past that.
'The quote above is just so insanely stupid that I am just incensed by it.
Either you have a very warped definition of "confidence" or you just don't
have a clue what it means. '
"Confidence - assurance: freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities"
So, by your logic, without hair, you can't have any of those qualities, you can't believe in yourself because your hair is falling out? If you think confidence is totally restricted to how you look then I feel quite sorry for you, you're a slave to these boards hoping for something that may never happen.
I find it quite interesting that you think everybody came to this board for the exact same reasons you did. You're just generalising. You can say it till you're blue in the face, but not everyone cares as much about hair loss as you obviously do.
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Jtelecom
31.05.2008, 15:34
(edited by Jtelecom, 31.05.2008, 16:11)
@ TylerDurden
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
Your logic is fuzzy, while mine is crystal clear. If people come to this forum for reasons other than feeling badly, or at least a little self-conscious about their perceived loss of good looks and reduction in self confidence, do tell, Mr. Psychologist.
Please cite any other plausible reasons someone would come to this site. "Just to look a little better" or "Just to feel a little better about my appearance" are NOT plausible reasons since they are intimately tied to self confidence and self esteem.
While we are on the subject of feeling sorry, I feel sorry for you given the fact that you are in extreme denial. You have rocks in your head if you think that I possess an ounce of vanity. All I have ever wanted was to wash my hair in the morning, walk out the door, and never think about my hair again that day. I have only ever wanted to be just like everybody else who does not suffer from such an outwardly prevalent condition.
"You can say it till you're blue in the face, but not everyone cares as much about hair loss as you obviously do."
Bingo! But, I would be willing to bet that almost everyone HERE comes to Hairsite for similar reasons and cares every bit as much as I do.
I have a VERY simple question for you, if you think that you can keep up:
Why were this and other hair loss sites started?
I look forward to your (logical) answer.
Jtelecom is located in [NA] and he is available to meet: NO ---
Jtelecom
5 Strip Surgeries (4 Bosley, 1 AlviArmani)
3 FUE Surgeries (2 Undisclosed, 1 AlviArmani)
(Latest FUE Surgery: June 6, 2008 - AlviArmani Los Angeles) |
HanginInThere
05.07.2008, 20:43
(edited by HanginInThere, 05.07.2008, 20:57)
@ Jtelecom
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
people on this site fall into several categories
one is late teens early 20s panicking about loss of sex appeal and cant get women cant get that great job, can you help me save my hair, i dont go to bars any more etc etc
other category is guys who are older who have stabilized their hair loss and are comfortable with who they are , the women our age dont care as much are not as vain and empty headed in their choices of a partner, they have dated pretty boys, etc and many of the men our age are losing their hair too so........we are way more in the norm now then we were in our twenties
I would like to find something to get my hair back but its not going to happen. other than a transplant
I am happy just having what i have now and not losing more...........yes it pisses me off that i lost what i lost, but I am not willing to part with 10s of thousands of dollars for a hair transplant in a vain attempt to regain my lost youth
I am married with a family , most single guys worry about getting chicks, so I can see the stress factor is more
i started thinning badly when i was 20 so i know the pain involved. All i am saying is in your 40s the worry and panic and devastation of hair loss is severely diminished, compared to guys in their 20s. If you are in your 20s and start thinning badly, you stand out like a sore thumb compared to all your thick haired buddies
In your fortys, its like ah ur losing your hair? so what
people in their 20s,, no offense, are not too long out of mommy and daddys house, and they live in a superficial world of looks, and things that do not matter much later in life
people in their 40s have familys, they realize that looks dont matter as much. there are much more important things in life than hair
not to say, just as with a fat person who would not mind losing 20lbs, might go on a diet, guys like me come to the site and see if there is some thing i can add to my regimen to enhance it, I wont be devastated near to the degree of a 20 something should i start someday to thin more. Luckily i have stabilized mine for 10 yrs now, with the naturals.
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Hangin Regimen...........
Maxi Hair by Country Life 2/day
Kal Amino Max ..Chelated Multi Mineral..2/day
DHT blockers (daily intake)
Saw Palmetto, 320mg Standardized
Pygeum 500mg
Nettles 500mg
Beta Sitosterol 125mg
2% Nizoral Cream Topically Nightly,,,after Shampoo |
cal
06.07.2008, 03:26
@ HanginInThere
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
I agree with a lot of that, Hangin, but I think you get pretty hard on these early 20s guys sometimes.
The guys on here aren't individually choosing to make their whole culture & age & peer group be so superficial. They were born into it, they're stuck in it for the rest of their remaining youth, and each one of them has no more power over the whole problem than you or I do. These kids just want their hair back to try to survive it.
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HanginInThere
06.07.2008, 04:08
@ cal
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
» I agree with a lot of that, Hangin, but I think you get pretty hard on
» these early 20s guys sometimes.
»
» The guys on here aren't individually choosing to make their whole culture
» & age & peer group be so superficial. They were born into it, they're
» stuck in it for the rest of their remaining youth, and each one of them has
» no more power over the whole problem than you or I do. These kids just
» want their hair back to try to survive it.
20 somethings were shallow when i was that age and they still are, nothing wrong with it, its just youth and inexperience and not knowing what matters in life
ask any 21 year old girl what she wants in a guy. 90 percent of the answer is about looks
ask any 35 yr old lady the same question she will give you an answer that is maybe 10 percent on looks
HanginInThere is located in [NA] and he is available to meet: NO ---
Hangin Regimen...........
Maxi Hair by Country Life 2/day
Kal Amino Max ..Chelated Multi Mineral..2/day
DHT blockers (daily intake)
Saw Palmetto, 320mg Standardized
Pygeum 500mg
Nettles 500mg
Beta Sitosterol 125mg
2% Nizoral Cream Topically Nightly,,,after Shampoo |
brm
06.07.2008, 13:49
@ HanginInThere
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
I don't agree. Motives of female attraction towards males are not vainer with young girls than with older ones. Yes, looks are important to them but abilities capacities, cleverness are often key points to young girls. That explains why many college students spend many nights in their professors' beds. I personally find that younggirls are rather more interesting in their mating quests than older women for whom social position and money are determinative. What more disappointing and disgusting than a rebuff from a woman only because you're not a good supporter... That happened to me last year. The woman was all smile until she thought my payloads weren't worth the shot thesametime I "discovered" that her "witloads" weren't either. She was 40. OK, I then happened to go out with a 17yearold. Much clever, much more interesting, much more openhearted and...much younger. Young ones are seduced by sheer seduction and charisma or sensitivity. With older ones, social calculation is the engine. And I'm no good fuel...
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cal
08.07.2008, 04:02
@ brm
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
Well Hangin, not every 21yo balding guy feels much better at the suggestion that he can eventually get laid when he's old enough for the 35yo women to want him.
As for women & preference, younger girls are extremely easy to get if you're any older, any richer, or any better looking than they are. A little bit of one of those things is all it takes.
The best older women are still very hot, but the overall average takes a big dive over time. The gap between the best & worst really widens. And only the best ones tend to hold all their ground they started with. The middle and lower ranks of aging women usually slip a lot more than with aging men.
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brm
08.07.2008, 12:25
@ cal
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
»
» As for women & preference, younger girls are extremely easy to get if
» you're any older, any richer, or any better looking than they are. A
» little bit of one of those things is all it takes.
»
No. Sexual attraction is too strong at their age to take a back seat. Funny enough, your point is in some way exactly the opposite end of Hangin's that says that only obviously good looks count. That shows that both of you are wrong.
brm is located in [NA] and he is available to meet: NO |
cal
11.07.2008, 11:49
@ brm
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
I didn't say that to make it sound like balding guy shouldn't care, and that they should just assume they can get young chicks when they're older and richer.
I said that stuff just as a general comment about women. (And look at those characteristics I just named - they ARE sexually-driven selections, too.)
Young girls do go for good-looking popular jerks. No doubt about it, no two ways around it. (And I don't wanna hear any "only a few of the most superficial girls are like that" crap either. It's MOST of them.)
A full head of hair is a huge asset in that game with young chicks if you need it to look your best. Huge asset. If your head/face shape isn't great, the hair difference can be incalculable.
Everybody can learn pickup lines & get expensive props. But young women are well on their way to making their decision about f*cking you before you ever get within 15 feet of them. From a distance, you need things like HAIR.
cal is located in [NA] and he is available to meet: NO |
brm
11.07.2008, 16:54
@ cal
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
Your "distanced" and "cool blooded" way to assess the situation is funny. I mean, reading your post made me smile. It is insighful in someway. I agree mostly. But again, if young women make up their minds so easily about us as sexual opportunities at a 15 feet distance, how the hell can they guess we're "a little bit richer" than them or even "a little bit older" as you said previously. I agree with you as to older ones. But young chicks nowadays consider mating a very volatile activity and therefore are more liable to give vent to their first impulses rather than calculate as their senior counterparts do. I have often observed how real charm can be straight effective with them and not that much with full fledged females.
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cal
12.07.2008, 02:55
@ brm
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
Women can judge money and age from 15 feet away. Or at least the obvious ostensible signs of those things anyway.
Ostensible signs are just about all people ever judge about anyone that early in the game. Ostensible signs of money, ostensible signs of good looks, ostensible signs of charm, etc.
Just ask anyone with young MPB who has ever come home with a hottie after donning a hairpiece.
cal is located in [NA] and he is available to meet: NO |
brm
12.07.2008, 15:30
@ cal
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
I believe that you can conceal a good deal if you wish. Female intuition is a brilliant myth. I have often tricked them into believing preposterous thruths or they have misjudged me at first sight (age, level of litteracy) every time I had fun in making believe. And I'm not speaking here about those that didn't give a damn about me and didn't care about whatever truth there was to learn.
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cal
13.07.2008, 00:18
@ brm
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
I think female intuition is true. But it doesn't even engage (at least not towards men) until they've known a guy for while. Preferably know him pretty well.
If they don't know a guy, their ability to spot lies is generally low. And it seems to go sharply down the more desirable the guy is. They'll believe some preposterous stuff if a guy is sexy.
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xbeliever
27.07.2008, 18:04
@ cal
|
isn't it that we all have low self-esteem |
Another major element of attraction, besides money and looks (i.e. hair) is fame. Doesn't have to be of the rock star magnitude ... just a certain level of public notoriety for something or other (even, by the way, if its something negative.) Even in the absence of money and looks it has a magical effect on women. I've known a couple of guys who had their life do a complete 180 just because they got some name recognition in the general public. They weren't necessarily any richer, nor certainly better looking (one of 'em was a NW5), nor smarter, but they had become well-known and for many women that's a very potent draw.
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