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Dear Red States... (Celebrity Hair Loss)

posted by MPB, 31.10.2008, 06:51

» Wow.
» This thread sure devolved into a hateful mess.
» Let's lighten things up a bit!
»
» How about this???
»
» The "Red States" can have their economy based on chicken farming and we'll
» take Silicon Valley.
» Lol!
»
» "Dear Red States...
»
» We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
» we're taking the other Blue States with us.
»
» In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
» Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
» believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
» to the people of the new country of New California.
»
» To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
» We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
» Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
»
» We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
» We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
» We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
» We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
» You get Alabama.
» We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
» pay their fair share.
»
» Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
» Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
» bunch of single moms.
»
» Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
» anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
» once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
» kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
» purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
» children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
» hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
» resources in Bush's Quagmire.
»
» With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
» of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
» and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
» America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
» 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
» of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
» condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
» Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
»
» With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
» percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
» costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
» tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
» Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
» Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
»
» We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
»
» Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
» actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
» unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
» that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
» in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
» with higher morals then we lefties.
»
» By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
» weed they grow in Mexico.
»
» Peace out,
» Blue States"
»
» Author unknown.



I would be all for it. The problem is the red states would just end up having to defend the blue states b/c they wouldn't spend a dime on a military (like Canada) defering all their tax dollars to useless social programs.

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